“John,” my husband’s colleague, a 40 year old divorcee with 3 kids, was asking my husband if I had any single girlfriends for him. My husband told him that I had plenty of single girlfriends (true) who would love to go out with him (false). So last time John stopped by our place they approached me for referrals.
“John just broke up with his girlfriend and was wondering if you had any single friends for him” my husband said. “No” I said. Two deer in headlights stood before me waiting for an explanation. My husband, afraid to look like a liar, said that he had already told John that I had single friends and started to name some eligible candidates. So I had to explain that yes, I have single friends, but no, they don’t want to go out with John. Sorry, John.
I told him that my friends wanted someone who was marriage material. They want to get married and have kids. My friends want a husband! “Oh, no I don’t want to get married again or have any more kids!” John answered his own question, and that put an end to our matchmaking session.
As John was leaving he said “my last relationship ended because the girl originally told me she didn’t want kids…” “She lied” I interrupted. “They all do, don’t they?” He asked. “Yes” I said.
I’d never met his girlfriend and didn’t know much about her. So how did I know she was lying? I just did.
The challenges of dating lead women to lie just to attract and keep a man long enough to get a commitment. That victory often supersedes honesty.
I started thinking about the unfortunate reality of the lying woman. A woman will lie to impress a man in the hope that once he is fully impressed he will go against his wishes to grant her hers. Many women assume that if a man falls in love with them, his needs will automatically become the same as theirs. They assume that they will be the exception! They are on a mission (impossible) to make the wrong man more right! I do see how this challenge can be motivating and thrilling at the same time!
In the meantime, all that happens is that women who lie only suppress their own needs in order to appear more desirable. I believe such behavior can be very dangerous and can bring on a lot of disappointment in the end. You can either continue to ignore your needs or face the harsh reality that you are with a man who will never fulfill them. Clarity is your only salvation!
Ladies, if a man tells you that he doesn’t want to get married or have kids, please believe him! You can stick around long enough to ask him if he’s sure and then proudly let him know if he is not the right man for you!
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