Ani Ram went from serial-dater to home-maker in less time..
Hello my dear readers and sorry about the long hiatus! The last twelve months have been a bit busy as my husband and I welcomed our first baby (girl). Unfortunately, blogging had to take a backseat to puking, heartburn, bloating, stretch marks, mood swings, back pain, shopping, nesting, and laboring, which then led to baby-shit, baby-puke, baby-up-all-night! But I’m back and I have a new category to write about!
It’s true that having a baby changes everything so I won’t talk about the obvious – no more free time, no more sleeping, no more clean house, and no more quiet house. Most people come to terms with the obvious by the third trimester because they’ve read about it, heard about it, and seen it on TV. However, the not so obvious is how having a baby is going to affect your relationship with your husband or wife. You can’t learn about this ahead of time, and you can’t really prepare for it.
Having a baby is like having a person you don’t even know living with you! You’re still trying to get to know each other but that person has already moved in, and they have moved in for good! And they have more stuff than most grownups! They need, and depend on, you all the time, you can’t reason with them, and they don’t help around the house. All things you probably never wanted in a relationship! And so it starts: baby, baby, baby! Both parents try their hardest to meet the ever growing needs of their baby. Why? Because you love the baby of course. And because you have to.
It became clear to me only after four or five months how my relationship with my husband had changed. We had become parents more than husband and wife in such a short time. We talked and worried about our baby all the time.
“Is she happy?”
“Is she sick?”
“Is she hungry?”
“Is she tired?”
“Is she developing well?”
“Is she getting enough attention from us?”
“Is she getting too much attention from us?”
Then I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time my husband and I asked each other even half of those questions about each other. I didn’t want to admit that I became jealous of the baby, so I really tried to find another term for it, but I couldn’t… I really did become jealous of my own baby! One day I asked my husband, “what about me? Don’t you want to know how I’m doing? Why does it always have to be about her?” Turns out, he was feeling just as neglected and was wondering the same things!
Having a baby is like having a threesome – someone is going to feel neglected, someone is going to get jealous, and someone is going to get hurt. And it isn’t going to be the baby!
With feelings such as those, I can see how so many marriages fall apart soon after a baby is born!
In my opinion, the only marriages that survive and stay healthy are ones where the husband and wife love each other so much that their love for each other is bigger than their love for the baby. And it’s not enough to love each other, you have to remember to show your love. You must maintain an active role as a loving partner not just as a loving parent. You have to remember each other’s needs and remember to meet those needs. You have to prioritize each other over the baby whenever and however possible! That’s the only way to make that threesome really work!
I guarantee you that no husband wants his wife to love the baby more than him. Likewise, no wife wants her husband to love the baby more than her. I know I wouldn’t want that! And in the end, all the baby truly needs are parents who really love each other!
As a new mom, I’m still learning and adjusting to the parenting lifestyle, but I’m looking forward to blogging about my experiences and sharing my stories with you!
Tags: advice, baby, communication, kids, life, love, marriage, relationships, talking
This entry was posted on Monday, December 6th, 2010 at 5:56 am and is filed under About me, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Welcome back Ani Ram! I look forward to learning from your experiences..for whenever I have my own kids (and husband)!