Ani Ram went from serial-dater to home-maker in less time..
A while ago, I wrote the post Just Because You Sleep There, Doesn’t Mean You Live There!
Now, an even more important fact: Just because you sleep there, that doesn’t make you his wife!
Women everywhere are in dead-end relationships. Meaning, they are in relationships that will never lead to the ultimate next step – marriage.
When neither party is ready, or looking for, that next step, there is no problem. Unfortunately, many women become ready for marriage long before their male partners.
Some women will start to nag and pressure their partners into marriage and will ultimately get their way. Other women will not have the same fate. These women will try however they can to get their men to marry them and, when they don’t succeed, all they will do is try harder.
One way that women try to convince their men to marry them is by showing them that they can be really good wives. A woman will start acting like a wife long before she ever is one. Partly, it’s because she is ready to be a wife so it feels natural for her to start acting like one. Other times, a woman becomes desperate to be a wife and starts acting like a wife because it makes her feel like one, just a little bit.
These women will start cooking, cleaning, and taking care of their men just as any good wife would do. This includes doing their laundry, running their errands, and spending her money like it is “their” money. They will even say “one day, I’ll have to do these things anyway, so I might as well start now.” I say, “why now?”
I met a girl not too long ago who has been with her boyfriend for six years. They each have their own place but she stays over at his place most nights of the week. Here are some of the things she said to me that made me sad for her:
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“I do his laundry because I have a washer and dryer in my apartment and he has to walk across the street to use the public washer and dryer. How awful is that? So, every week, I take his laundry, and do it at my place. I have to do mine anyway so it’s not much more work to do his too.”
“I feel so bad when he gets home late from work. On the nights that I sleep there, [which, in a separate conversation, I found out was most nights] I make sure that dinner is ready when he gets home. I would have to cook for myself anyway, so I just cook for the both of us.”
“Last month I helped him pay for some of his utilities bills. I figured that when we get married, his bills will be my bills, and his place will be my place.”
All I could think was “oh my!” and “if I was this guy, I’d never marry her!”
She has left him no incentive to marry her. This guy is already getting all of the benefits of marriage. You can’t even blame him for not marrying her in the past six years because he probably can’t imagine why he should.
Marriage has to bring something more to your relationship than what you already have. This is why it’s referred to as “the next stage” or “the next level”. It’s important to take your time and not get too ahead of yourself no matter how much you want to get to the next level.
Ladies, listen up, you don’t have to prove to your boyfriend that you will make a good wife. You don’t have to prove yourself as a wife until you are a wife. If at this point in your relationship, all that you are is a girlfriend, then all you have to be is a good girlfriend. If a man is ready for marriage, it will be more than enough for him knowing that you are a good girlfriend. If he is not ready for marriage, then you are really wasting your energy on the wrong man!
Men love mystery and they like working towards a goal. If you reveal too much too soon, you leave them no mystery, and nothing to work towards.
If you are ready for marriage and your boyfriend is not then you should reevaluate your relationship. Do not start acting like a wife to someone who doesn’t even want one.
There are plenty of men out there who are ready for marriage and would love to have a wife. That’s where you should be redirecting your energy!
Tags: boyfriend, caring, dating, girlfriend, misconception, misunderstanding, relationships, wife, women
This entry was posted on Sunday, August 9th, 2009 at 2:53 pm and is filed under Just because you sleep there, Ladies, Uncategorized, that doesn't make you his wife. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Looking at this from a man’s perspective, I think you are very, very right in your advice. A lot of guys do not want to get married, period. If a girl is looking for a husband, she needs to quickly separate potential boyfriends into two categories: those that are open to marriage and those that just want to play the field. The latter category should be avoided. There are good men in both categories, and there’s nothing wrong with a guy that does NOT want to get married. But you could waste precious years with the wrong man if you are not careful.
Also, I like your advice about girls avoiding acting like wives until they are wives. There must be some reward for a man when he is married. Don’t give out this gift before you’re married, otherwise the “reward” of marriage will look cheap.
Best regards,
Dan
well, what are the limits on what a gf should do?? can u do a post about that? this is all so confusingggggg
lol, how come my icon is that little orange bot? he’s kinda cute…
I really agree with what you have said that a woman should not act as a wife until she is a wife. Because if they continue to act with this kind and then in the long run the relationship will fail, then it is just a waste of time and effort.