Ani Ram went from serial-dater to home-maker in less time..
The more I search for dating and relationship advice, the more I notice a recurring theme in advice articles for women. Whether it’s relationship experts or random opinion-givers, everyone is encouraging women to reclaim their independence. I am convinced that this is one of the main reasons so many women are single and are having a hard time getting into serious relationships.
This kind of modern day thinking has planted the seed of fear in women. The fear of being dependent on a man. This sparked the following notions:
“You are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself.”
“You don’t need a man to be happy.”
“You should never feel like you depend on a man for anything.”
“You need to have your own hobbies and interests.”
“You should embrace your independence.”
I just have one thing to say about all that: IF YOU WANT TO BE INDEPENDENT, THEN YOU DON’T REALLY WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. The above statements should never be mistaken for relationship advice. They are motivational statements and may give you a sense of accomplishment in some areas of your life, but certainly not in your love life.
Is convincing yourself, and maybe your man, of your independence supposed to give you more say in the relationship? I am here to tell you that you don’t need to establish your independence to have weight in a relationship. What you do need is:
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-to have confidence in yourself and your relationship,
-to be open to compromise and change, and
-not to tolerate any disrespect.
If you act too independent or show a man that you do not need him to be happy then you are showing him that:
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-you do not need his love,
-you don’t value his time or anything that he does for you, and
-you are not the woman he should plan on spending the rest of his life with.
Men and women both need to play their own roles in relationships. These roles are, for the most part, gender-specific. There are going to be some things that you are good at and other things that your partner is better at than you. It is important to let your partner know that he or she is better at certain parts.
As an adult, you are, of course, capable of doing most things on your own. But if you want to be in a relationship, then you have to acknowledge some of your own weaknesses. You have to be able to show your partner that you do need him or her to play a role in your life. And that your life would be more complete, or easier, or happier, or in some ways better, with him in it.
Once you get over your independence you will be ready to move on to a new stage of life. The stage of relating, dating… and mating!
This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 19th, 2009 at 3:58 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Ani, you have hit the nail on the head! Independence is a wonderful trait for single people. Interdependence is a relationship skill that Singles must transition into when they decide they want to be in a partnership with someone.
We depend on others in many ways. In our jobs, we depend on others and they depend on us to get tasks done, so in the workforce, many of us already understand interdependence.
Women don’t have to be dependent and submissive, but too much “independence” thinking will keep them away from finding and keeping the love of their lives. Thanks for this insightful post, Ani.
Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC
good post
what is that orange creature by my name?!? he’s kinda cute
Hey Ani, really nice blog on relationships, what I liked is its not at all like some other mushy sites on dating advice. I have voted for you on bloggers choice awards. Check mine if you have time @ http://bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/75788
I like this blog
good post
Great post! I’ll subscribe right now wth my feedreader software!
This is such an amazing write-up, thank you for sharing this with me.
It really does put into perspective what I have been dealing with and how I can approach the situation better.
Thank you.
It’s a masterpiece. I have never thought people can have such ideas and thoughts. You are great.