Ani Ram went from serial-dater to home-maker in less time..
OK, ladies, listen up! There is one basic, yet classic mistake that women make in relationships, that I need bring into the open: leaving your belongings at your boyfriend’s place.
Women do this because they like to leave reminders of themselves. Almost like ensuring that the men will think about them even when they’re not there. Sounds like a sign of insecurity? It is. At least that’s how the men see it! This is not only a mistake, but also a habit that may become detrimental to the survival of your relationship.
Let’s say you spend the night at a man’s house – do not automatically assume that he owes you closet space, an empty drawer in his dresser and extra space on the bathroom counter for your toothbrush, mouthwash, cleanser, perfume and deodorant. He certainly doesn’t owe you any of that. In fact, if you leave all those things behind, that will surely remind him of how forgetful, irresponsible and messy you are. He’s not going to get your hint (that you want to be cute and leave your things behind to remind him of you) and will only think that you either keep forgetting or that you don’t care about your personal belongings. He doesn’t want to have to deal with moving your stuff around just to make room for his stuff. Most importantly, it will disrupt his routine of putting things where he usually does because your things are in his way!
Even if you are at a point in your relationship where you are spending more nights at his place than you are at yours, this still doesn’t, by any means, imply that you live there. You still have your place and he has his. You aren’t married. You are still paying your own rent! Your lives, although attached and connected, are still separate lives. If you leave numerous things behind, it’s like saying to him “I have no life outside of here, and it’s not important for me to take care of myself when I’m not with you.” That is not a message you want to project. Not only are you presenting yourself as needy, dependent and insecure, but you might also be reading a lot more into the relationship than he does. After all, if he wanted you to move in with him, he’d just ask!
It is OK to leave one or two things. Perhaps your favorite robe or pillow that might be too bulky to travel back and forth with would be fine. Otherwise, get yourself a nice travel bag and pack it up when you go home.
Making the commitment to live together is a decision that you both have to make. You can’t make it for the both of you. Stop leaving reminders of yourself behind. Instead, don’t leave anything and let him miss not having you around. If he misses you bad enough and wants to have more of you, then you can have a discussion about the living arrangements.
Once you move in, you can demand all that space for yourself! Go ahead and ask for two drawers if you want!
This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 18th, 2009 at 6:53 pm and is filed under Ladies, STOP leaving your stuff at his place. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
It can go both ways, when we were dating my man demanded a drawer at my place!! I was very good and took a bag with me when I needed it.
Love the blog, you’ve made my move-in with Michael that bit easier. Am cutting him some slack and my fuse is much longer for it. Thank you!!
haha — i remember there was a Sex and the City episode about this. Carrie tried to leave stuff at Big’s place and it kind of backfired.
good post
The article is ver good. Write please more
It’s a pity that people don’t realize the importance of this information. Thanks for posing it.
[...] while ago, I wrote the post Just Because You Sleep There, Doesn’t Mean You Live There! Now, an even more important fact: Just because you sleep there, that doesn’t make you [...]