Ani Ram went from serial-dater to home-maker in less time..
Dear Ani Ram,
My boyfriend and I have been together for about three months and so far we have a great relationship. However, I’m not sure how to handle this one issue. I’ve been invited to two weddings this summer. I asked my boyfriend if he would like to come with me to both weddings and he declined. His reason was that he didn’t know either of the two girls and wouldn’t know anyone there. I thought that it was his boyfriend-duty to come with me. I should mention that neither of the 2 girls is my close friend, and each wedding is on a Friday, which means that he’d have to take time off from work in order to go. He probably doesn’t want to take time off from work for people he doesn’t know and who aren’t my close friends, but it would’ve been nice to spend time together. One of the weddings is quite far, so I was going to reserve a hotel room for us. If he’s not going to come with me, then there is no reason for me to reserve the hotel for just me. I wouldn’t want to stay at the hotel by myself and have him stay home by himself. I’ll have to drive there and back alone. Should I make him feel bad for this? Can I convince him to come with me somehow?
- Dateless Jane
Dear Dateless Jane:
Thank you for your question. I see a few issues here that arise at some point in every relationship. I don’t think you can do much about his not coming to the weddings with you. Since you’ve only been together for a short period of time, I wouldn’t try to convince him. However, you should be extra mindful of his actions from this point forward. Both of you have to invest time and effort into your relationship if you want the relationship to become more serious. His refusal to accompany you to either wedding is a sign of his not wanting to invest his time and effort. However, this is not an automatic sign that he doesn’t want to get serious. He might be putting time and effort into the relationship in other ways. I hope that he is.
Please try and see the situation for what it is. Seems to me that you are making excuses for him without even realizing it. This is very common. Women tend to make excuses for their boyfriends when they are trying to justify their boyfriends’ behaviors. Did he tell you that he didn’t want to come to the weddings because he didn’t want to take time off from work? From what you’ve told me, this wasn’t his reason.
Also, it doesn’t sound like his excuse was that the girls aren’t your close friends. If all he told you was that he didn’t want to come because he didn’t know the people getting married, then take this for what it is. Men are very open about their feelings. If he felt that there were other reasons that made him not want to come with you then he would have told you. The fact that the weddings are on Fridays is irrelevant. Try and not look for excuses for him. It is much easier to understand how you feel about the situation if you don’t cloud it with false details. He doesn’t want to come with you because he won’t know anyone there. Period. Now, how do you feel about that? This should be your thought process.
As for the hotel rooms, please make your reservations! If he is not coming with you then you are not coming home. You should teach him a lesson here. Let him wonder if he should’ve come with you after all. If you do come home that night it will be a sign to him that not only did he not need to make an effort but that he still gets to have you at the end of the night. A sure sign of neediness. Girl, you DON’T need him THAT bad if he doesn’t feel that he needs to be with you at either wedding. Only contribute as much as he is into the relationship. Don’t overcompensate for his indifference.
Remember, a wedding is a great place to meet someone else. You may not be so “dateless” by the end of the night. Let your boyfriend think about that while he’s going to sleep, alone, regretting his decision. He’ll never let you go dateless to any function ever again!
I hope this helps!
Need relationship advice? Email me: aniram@understandanyman.com
This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009 at 7:31 pm and is filed under Readers' questions. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
good one. leave the bastard home and wondering!
what a dope! i hope he’s great in other ways tho