Ani Ram went from serial-dater to home-maker in less time..
I spoke to a girlfriend of mine who just ended a short-term relationship and I had a very basic revelation. Guys who are single go out to clubs, go partying, or drink socially in any capacity. Guys who are in relationships and want to get serious in those relationships have no reason to and are usually relieved that they don’t have to go out like that anymore.
I realized this when my girlfriend told me that she had to leave her boyfriend because he was boring. Because he wouldn’t take her dancing. She said she wants a guy with whom she can go to clubs, lounges, and bars. Someone who will be committed to her but will also be a party companion. She said she’s ready for marriage but she’s not ready to stop partying. Therefore, she wants a guy who wants the same. Someone who is ready for marriage but will also be great to go out with.
Something is wrong with this picture, I thought.
I have heard many guys give the same two reasons about why they go out. And that is (surprise surprise):
- “meet chicks” and “get laid”
Girls are different. Girls like to go out for many reasons:
- they enjoy socializing,
dancing,
looking at cute guys,
hoping of meeting the right guy,
and sometimes get laid by the wrong guy.
By process of elimination we can see that if a girl has found the right guy she still has reasons to go out: to socialize and dance. If a guy has found the right girl he has no more reasons to go out out.
Unfortunately, if you are a girl who really enjoys socializing and dancing then you are in trouble. Much like my friend. It is going to be very difficult for you to find a guy who is ready to get serious and will also take you dancing. Dancing and socializing are not a guy’s idea of having fun. Those were never his reasons for going out in the first place. Therefore, it is a difficult decision that every girl needs to make. Either she wants go party, dance, and socialize or she wants to be in a serious relationship.
A red flag for girls who are in serious relationships! Is your guy going out with or without out? Perhaps this calls for a conversation. If your guy likes to go out with the guys every once in a while or for the occasional birthday party, work function, or holiday event then that’s OK. If your guy goes out to a bar or club with his friends every week then perhaps you think you are in a serious relationship but he does not. Even if your guy wants to go out with you every week then he is still hoping for attention (at best) from other girls.
Always remember there are only two reasons why he would want to go out. Be happy if he doesn’t want to party at all. If this seems boring to you then you are not ready for a serious relationship. It is much easier to find a party companion if you are OK with a non-committed casual relationship.
There are plenty of fun things that couples can do together depending on their common interests. You just need to be creative. If both people are serious about each other then neither of them should still have the need to party. Instead, their needs should be based on growing in, working on, and perfecting their relationship.
It’s always good to reevaluate each other’s needs. Being in a relationship is a choice and you should always feel the freedom to make and re-make your choices. Remember, though, each choice has its own consequence.
This entry was posted on Sunday, January 11th, 2009 at 10:24 am and is filed under Guys in relationships don't dance. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
sigh, this is depressing!
I’m a 25 year old male…and would just like to say you are a genius. I am very in love with my girlfriend, dating long distance, and admit that I find myself confused about tonight’s Saturday evening. Some friends are in town and would like to go to the clubs…I really have no desire to go and won’t even though I’d like to seem them. I would rather see them at a dinner or having a few beers watching the games. Your article just reminded me how in love with her I am and how it has changed me to grow up. We still go out to have some drinks, but we do so in quiet places. We still dance; but we do so to our own music in spontaneous places. Thanks for the reminder.