Ani Ram went from serial-dater to home-maker in less time..
Dear Ani Ram,
How do i play it cool when that’s not my nature at all? it feels so fake and dishonest and i feel like it’s a big waste of time. why be someone I’m not? Also, i’ve gotten good at not complaining or being negative around guys but, I don’t have much else to talk about. any suggestions?
-destined to never get married 
Dear destined to never get married,
Imagine the following scenario:
You are on a date with a guy you’ve just met and, right off the bat, he seems unhappy about life. First he starts telling you how things aren’t going his way at work- he hates all the meetings he has to hold and doesn’t get along with his boss. Then he tells you he had a fight with his parents. Then the fire alarm woke him up real early in the morning and made him groggy all day.
You might have a ton in common and even find him attractive, but his mood will be a big turn off. Do you want a guy who’s unhappy and does nothing more than complain?
What I’m trying to show here is that no one wants to start their life with someone who is miserable. My advice is to always look inside yourself, realize the things that do make you happy and try to do more of them. Think about what you want out of life and figure out the means of getting it. Think about what you like most about yourself and try to embrace it even more.
You have to be in a comfortable mental state before you can begin a relationship. You have to be a pleasure to be around. Therefore, if you are having a hard time being happy and can’t think of anything positive to talk about, you may need to take some timeout for self improvement. Figure out how to make some positive changes in your life. Seek out some support groups. Maybe talk to a professional?
I can’t tell you what you should talk about when you’re on a date. Some great generic topics are movies, music, politics, current events, and hobbies. You can even talk about your friends. Maybe you are happy that one of your friends has had good luck lately. You can talk about this and tell him the story.
A man wants a girl who is positive and and in control of her emotions. If you seem fragile, you will scare him away. So, it’s not about being fake and pretending you are happy even when you’re not. It’s about only sharing the things you are happy about. Leave the rest for your girlfriends who already know everything about you. Start with the good first for someone who is still getting to know you.
And if you can’t find anything that makes you happy you may need to find other ways of helping yourself. Also, if this is the case, you may not be ready for a relationship which is just fine. Don’t be down on yourself about this. It will be much easier starting a relationship when you are ready for it.
I hope this helps!
Need life advice? Write to Ani Ram: aniram@understandanyman.com
This entry was posted on Thursday, March 15th, 2007 at 10:44 am and is filed under Readers' questions. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
This makes a lot of sense, Ani Ram
Well done!
we want a new post!!!
post a new blog!!!